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About 3 years ago I was sitting on the toilet. I had started my menstrual cycle and as I was wiping, my 3 year old daughter came barreling into the bathroom.

She looked at me and then looked down and ran out of the bathroom. I just figured she freaked at what she saw and just ran out.

Well,the phone rang a few moments later, so I got up and ran to the phone and much to my surprise it was the city police. They said that they got a 911 call from there and couldn’t understand what the caller was saying.

They asked if I had a a little kid there and if everything was ok. I said, “yes, I have a kid but there wasn’t any problem.”

The officer scolded me and said I should teach my daughter only to use 911 for emergency purposes. At that point it dawned on me why she had called but I couldnt tell the officer.

I was too embarrassed to tell him that she thought my period was a sign of me bleeding to death. The kid thought I was sitting on the toilet, dying! Thank God I didn’t have to explain to him what had happened!

Embarrassed of Virginia.

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As very few of you know, I have several websites that I maintain and some of them involve research and publishing every day, one of them is my village wide famous blog of offbeat news and uncommon facts (I even have a promo poster in the local post office!). Anyway, My dad phoned me today because I emailed him an article about his second cousin getting signed to play for Manchester United (a football team on trafford park or something). He was talking and mentioned that I sounded distracted, so I replied that yes, actually, I was on the blog and having trouble getting stuff down. He just hung up on me and ten minutes later I was still wondering why when mother rang me, without hesitation she suggested I eat some figs or prunes and contact my doctor. I hate my family.

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The following story was submitted anonymously:

My boyfriend and I were hanging out at his house one night, celebrating our 2 month anniversary. We had a nice dinner, and after that we were just relaxing on his couch and getting comfy.

Things started to heat up, and before you knew it, we were both naked and on the floor. There was a can of whip cream on the table and he suggested we have some fun with it. He sprayed me with the stuff and was just about to lick it of when his huge dog came running in.

He jumped on me and knocked my boyfriend over and started licking the whip cream off of me! Suddenly as if things werent bad enough, we heard my boyfriends parents’ car pulling up in the garage. My boyfriend threw his boxers on, and right after that, his parents walked in on us!

It must have looked so bad, it looked like i was recieving oral sex from the dog! It was a pretty bad situation, but I got out of there right after that. From that day I have never been able to look his parents in the eye!

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Been to any horrible family reunions lately? How did it go? Did aunt Selma drop her false teeth in the punch bowl? Did uncle Alfred talk about his stint as cross dressing side show freak again? Or did your grandma point out to everyone in the room that you’re still as flat-chested as a 9-year-old?

Fess up!

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